Full Balance (The Peachtree Series Book 3) Read online

  When the door closed behind them, he turned to Kellie. “Look, I’m not going to pretend like Stephen or I have any clue what you and Austin have been through in the past,” he said. “What you’re going through now. But we don’t want to keep you apart. Austin didn’t have a choice about missing the past two weeks. He had appointments he had to be at. We’ll do our best in the future to not schedule anything on Wednesdays, but it can’t always be avoided.”

  “And you were the one who didn’t show up last Saturday!” Austin said, glaring at his sister.

  “I can’t be here all the time, Austin!” she said. “I thought maybe you weren’t coming anymore.”

  “I told you I would.”

  “I thought you were too good for me now.”

  Austin opened his mouth to speak, but Russ held up a hand.

  “Hey, I know this is tough,” Russ said. “But try to speak more calmly and listen to each other.”

  “Would you stop?” Kellie rounded on him, her blue eyes furious. “You aren’t my dad! And you aren’t Austin’s dad either. Just leave us be.”

  “You’re right,” Russ said, though the words stung. “I’m not your dad, and I’m never going to be Austin’s biological dad. Hell, I’m not even his adoptive dad yet. But I am his foster dad and I care about him so no, I won’t just back off.”

  She scowled.

  “Look,” he said more calmly, “Stephen and I are new at this parenting thing, but we’re doing our very best to give Austin as much love and support as we can. I know the changes to his life recently are messing up your routine, but we’re trying. I know you don’t trust us, but I don’t know how many ways to assure you we want to make sure you two have a relationship. But yelling at your brother isn’t helpful,” he pointed out. “And Austin, I know you’re frustrated, but you need to be a little kinder to your sister too.”

  Austin nodded once, reluctantly, though hurt was still written all over his face.

  Russ tried another approach. Maybe if he treated Kellie more like an ally, that would help. “And, Kellie, if you see something we should be doing to help Austin, let me know.”

  She let out a disbelieving little laugh. “Right. Like you’re going to take my advice.”

  He shrugged. “You know Austin better than we do. Why wouldn’t we at least take it into consideration?”

  “Yeah, okay.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Believe it or not, there’s only one way to find out,” Russ pointed out. “I’m not asking you or Austin to trust us until you see we can be trusted. But if we all want the same thing—Austin’s happiness—there’s no reason we can’t all try to work together.”

  She narrowed her eyes but gave him a small nod and Russ was hopeful he’d made at least a little headway.

  “Austin, do you think you could go inside so I can talk to your sister alone for a few minutes?” he asked softly.

  “I guess.” Austin frowned but he went inside, moving slowly like he was reluctant to leave her. When they door closed behind him, Russ turned to face Kellie.

  “What can we do differently? We want to help you both, but we can’t if you won’t work with us.”

  “There’s nothing you can do. It’s not like you’re going to take me in and adopt me too, right?” she asked snidely. He froze and scrambled to think of an answer. Taking on a pissed off nineteen-year-old homeless girl in addition to Austin wasn’t really on their radar. “Yeah, didn’t think so.”

  “It isn’t really an option,” he admitted softly. “We only have a two-bedroom place. That being said, if there’s a way we can help you otherwise, we will.”

  “Like what?” she snapped.

  “Like … I don’t know, helping you find a job maybe,” he offered.

  “I have a job.” She glared at him. “I’m a waitress for a catering company, okay? It’s just really sporadic work and I don’t get paid enough to afford rent, so I can’t get a place to live. I live in my car and I shower and do my laundry here and stuff. I’m trying to save up. I’m doing the best I can.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you had a job,” Russ said softly. “And I’m sorry you can’t make ends meet and that you’re having trouble finding a place to live. It’s clear you’re working hard. Have you talked to Dan or Darius or Maria about getting some help from the center? I know they help with securing housing and …”

  “This place doesn’t magically fix everything, you know?” she said with a scowl. “And there’s all these rules. I can’t, okay? I know Austin wants me to find a place so I can take him in, but I keep telling him he’s better off with a real family.”

  Russ sighed heavily. He knew some part of Austin wanted that, but he wasn’t sure how to get it through to him that even if Kellie did have a solid career and a place to live it wasn’t the best option for either of them. “Does he know that DCFS won’t even allow adoptions—even by family members—if the adopter is under twenty-five?” Russ asked quietly.

  “I’ve tried to tell him. It’s like he doesn’t want to hear it,” she said. The anger seemed to leach out of her, turning to a sad, defeated look. “I can’t just magically fix everything for both of us.”

  “Stephen and I will try to talk to him about it,” Russ said gently. “He’s really hurt you won’t accept the unicorn though. Maybe if you tell him you love it but you want him to keep it safe until you have a place of your own someday, that’ll help? So you’re not rejecting the gift completely, you’re just explaining why you can’t accept it now.”

  She looked at him for a long moment before she nodded and went back in the center. Russ buried his face in his hands. He’d dodged a bullet there because intervening in a squabble between the Carr siblings could have ended disastrously. And Austin would have been the one hurt the most by it going badly, which was the last thing Russ wanted.

  He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then muttered under his breath as he reached for the door, “This parenting shit is really not for the faint of heart.”

  The following evening after dinner, Russ took a seat on the couch and looked over at Austin who sat next to him. “So, what movie do you want to watch tonight?”

  “I dunno.”

  Stephen was heading out to a Braves game with Jeremy and he and Austin were going to watch a movie. Russ was looking forward to it. It would be nice to have some one-on-one time with Austin. Maybe he could find a way to connect with him more.

  “Okay,” Russ handed him the remote. “Why don’t you scroll through and see what appeals.”

  “Well, enjoy your evening you two.” Stephen leaned down and dropped a kiss on Russ’s lips, looking handsome in the jeans and a snug Braves T-shirt he’d just changed into. “Jeremy and I are off to the game.”

  Austin looked up. “Can I come?”

  “I thought you didn’t like baseball?”

  “I don’t know.” Austin fidgeted. “I’ve never seen a game in person. It might be kinda cool.”

  “Well, it sounds like the perfect time to rectify it to me,” Stephen said. “Of course you can come. Sorry, Russ.”

  “Oh, I see,” Russ teased though he had to swallow down the disappointment. “You’re both abandoning me.”

  “You can come too,” Stephen offered. “I’m always happy when you join us, and I am sure we can get a few extra tickets.”

  “No, it’s okay,” Russ said, although he felt a bit deflated. “You three go have fun. It’ll be nice to have the place to myself for the evening.”

  Unfortunately, once they were gone, he found himself at a loss. It was nice to be alone, but he didn’t know what to do with himself. He wandered listlessly around the apartment for a while. Although there were dozens of shows and movies he could watch, nothing appealed. And while he had plenty of books on his tablet, none of those appealed either. He was plenty sore from a workout that morning, so he didn’t see the point in going to the fitness center. Finally, he wandered upstairs and went out onto the balcony for a while. He stretched out on
a lounger and watched the lights of the city as he listened to the familiar noise of traffic on the streets below. It was a soft early summer evening with pleasant temperatures and a light breeze. It should have been perfect.

  But he felt oddly cut off from Austin and Stephen all of a sudden. A weird wave of melancholy washed over him as doubts crept in. It felt like Austin was connecting with Stephen more than with him and he was being left out in the cold.

  What am I doing wrong? Why did Austin seem to gravitate to Stephen rather than him? Why was Stephen always the one he chose to spend time with? It felt like for every step forward Stephen took with Austin, Russ took one step back.

  Yesterday’s encounter with Kellie hadn’t made him a whole lot more confident he knew what the hell he was doing. Austin had grudgingly accepted Kellie’s excuse that she couldn’t take the unicorn now but that she would in the future, but he’d been quiet and withdrawn when they’d gotten home from the center. And tonight he’d run off to spend time with Stephen and Jeremy rather than spend time with Russ.

  Stephen had reassured him he’d handled the situation well yesterday, but had he really? Was there more he should do for Austin? Was there a way he could help Kellie? Or he was driving a wedge between the siblings?

  Russ’s thoughts circled, pulling him lower and lower with every pass. He let out a noisy sigh, annoyed with himself for even feeling this way.

  It was ridiculous. He knew he was being ridiculous. And yet, the doubts continued to crowd in. Worry gnawed at Russ as the sky went dark and the city lights began to sparkle and he felt more alone than ever before.

  “Russ?” Stephen’s concerned tone broke through his sleep, and he woke with a start, momentarily disoriented. It took him a second to realize he was still out on the balcony and Stephen was peering at him from the door of their apartment.

  “Over here,” he called out.

  Stephen approached, squinting in the darkness. “Hey, there you are. I thought maybe you’d left or something, but there was no note and the lights were still on and …”

  Russ adjusted his glasses and stood with a smile that was a little forced. “Sorry. I came up here to think for a bit. I must have fallen asleep. How was the game?”

  “It was good. Braves won.”

  “Did Austin enjoy it?”

  “I think so. He seemed to be having fun, anyway.”

  “Should I go say goodnight to him?”

  “He’s in the shower now, and I told him to head straight to bed.” Stephen glanced at his watch. “The game ran a little later than I anticipated.”

  Russ looked at his own watch. “Oh wow, it is late.”

  “We won’t make a habit of it, but it won’t kill him once. He only has a couple more days of school and it’s pretty much downhill from here.”

  “You’re right.” Russ shot him a weak smile.

  “Ready to head to bed?”

  “Yes.”

  As Russ locked the balcony door behind him, the apartment was dark and quiet, though he could faintly hear the shower turn off downstairs in Austin’s bathroom.

  “Want to shower with me?” Stephen asked as they stepped into their bedroom.

  “Sure.” Russ managed a smile.

  “Hey, you okay?” Stephen asked with a worried tilt of his head as he stripped off his T-shirt. “You seem off.”

  Russ shrugged listlessly. “I guess I kinda missed you both tonight?” Russ admitted. “Like you were off having fun while I just sat at home feeling lonely.”

  “Okay,” Stephen said slowly. “Well, you could have come tonight.”

  “I know.” Russ scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m being ridiculous.”

  “You’re not being ridiculous. Talk to me, Russ.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted. He tossed his T-shirt in the hamper. “Honestly. This is my own bullshit I have to figure out.”

  “Your bullshit is my bullshit.”

  “It’s stupid. I don’t even know why I feel this way,” Russ said as he stripped out of his jeans.

  “Does it matter? You feel that way. I will do what I can to help.”

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “Maybe it is that simple. But in order to help I need you to tell me what you’re feeling.”

  Russ followed him into the shower. “I guess I feel … I don’t know.” He sighed. “I think I was just feeling a little off because I was miffed about Austin wanting to spend time with you instead of me—”

  “Russ,” Stephen protested. “We’ve talked about this before. And you need to keep it in perspective. He picked baseball over a movie. That’s all. Besides, I think he really likes Jeremy.”

  “Likes likes?” Russ raised an eyebrow.

  Stephen chuckled. “There could be a bit of a crush there, I suppose, but I think it’s more hero worship.”

  “Oh.”

  “So don’t take it personally.”

  “I’m trying. But my immediate thought was ‘Great, he wants to spend time with Jeremy over me’ and I know that’s fucking ridiculous, but …”

  “It is. Because it isn’t an either-or thing. And you had every opportunity to join us tonight.”

  “I know I did. This is stupid.”

  “It isn’t. But it is unnecessary worry for you.”

  “Welcome to the story of my life,” Russ joked. “If I ever write an autobiography, that’ll be the title. Unnecessary Worry: The Russell Bishop Story.”

  Stephen gave him a half-amused look. “I’m glad you have a sense of humor about this.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “Come here.” Stephen’s tone was firm, and Russ willingly slid closer to him. As always, the feeling of their bodies pressed together made him relax and breathe deeply. “Russ, I need you to hear me. Not just listen to me but hear me.”

  “Okay.”

  Stephen stared him straight in the eye. “I love you. Austin is going to be a tough nut to crack because of his past, but he will get there with both of us. It’s just going to happen in his own time. It may happen sooner for one of us than the other. Jeremy will probably get through to him before either of us do simply because he’s not Austin’s parent so Austin isn’t trying to push him away. We need to celebrate every win Austin has, no matter who it’s with.” Russ nodded, unable to speak over the lump in his throat, knowing Stephen was right. “Now, you are doing a great job. You have nothing to worry about. I need you to believe that.”

  Russ swallowed. “I will,” he said roughly.

  Stephen squeezed him tighter. “Good.”

  Russ tucked his head against Stephen’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” He kissed Russ’s cheek.

  “For being you.” Russ turned and burrowed closer to Stephen. “For being everything I need, even when I don’t know what that is.”

  “You do the same for me.”

  “Good.” Russ sighed and tightened his grip around Stephen’s waist. Stephen’s words, along with his closeness, plus the warm water running over them both calmed him, allowed him to relax and let go of the fears and worries that had been swirling in his head all evening.

  “Why don’t you go out and do something with Evan or something this week?” Stephen suggested. He pressed a kiss to Russ’s temple. “Get out and do something fun.”

  “Yeah, I could do that,” he said. “It has been a while since we’ve hung out.”

  “Now, let’s finish our shower.”

  “Okay.” Russ straightened and reached for the body wash.

  Stephen hurried through his shower and got out before Russ, who took it a little more slowly, allowing himself to think about the situation now that Stephen had given him some perspective. He was right, of course. It wasn’t that he was failing as a parent; it was simply Austin taking longer to connect with him.

  But there must be a way. The question was, what was it? Clearly it wasn’t movies.

  “Russ?”

  He turned to Stephen wit
h a smile. “Yeah?”

  “Come to bed, baby.”

  Russ shut out the light in the bathroom, still smiling as he crawled under the covers. Stephen rarely called him that, especially when it wasn’t during sex, but it was perfect right now. Stephen settled on his back and drew Russ into the crook of his arm, pulling him close. Russ closed his eyes and let out a big breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He’d felt tense all night but this—this made him remember what it was all about.

  The two of them building something together.

  The beat of Stephen’s heart lulled Russ into a doze, and he had a final, fleeting thought of how lucky he was before sleep pulled him under.

  SEVENTEEN

  After a nice lunch out with Evan who had talked him out of his funk, Russ had felt a renewed determination to find something he could connect with Austin over. On the drive home, he decided there was one resource out there that he hadn’t tapped into. He used the voice activation feature of his car to call his father.

  “Russ!” Alan sounded surprised but pleased. “How are ya doin’ son?”

  “Good. How are you?”

  “Great. Patty and I are doin’ good. She’s been sellin’ loads of my furniture at her shop in Cordele.”

  “That’s fantastic, Dad,” Russ said. He liked Patty, and she’d been great for his father. Unlike his mother, she was content with a quiet life in a small town and she’d convinced Alan to take better care of himself.

  “So, why’d ya call?”

  “I call sometimes just to talk.”

  “Not since you got a son of your own.” Alan’s tone was gently chiding.

  Russ winced. “I am sorry about that. And I’m sorry we haven’t invited you up to Atlanta to meet him yet. We’re just trying to get him settled and find our groove as a family.”

  “I’m not complainin’,” Alan said softly. “I understand. He needs to feel safe with you first and you want to take it one step at a time.”

  “Exactly.”

  “How’s that goin’?”

  Russ hummed. “Hmm. It’s going. Overall, we’re lucky. He’s a great kid, just a bit closed off. Stephen seems to be doing better connecting to him though and …”