Full Balance (The Peachtree Series Book 3) Page 5

  FOUR

  “Thanks for making dinner tonight. That chicken was really good,” Stephen said. He squeezed Russ’s hip as he passed behind him.

  “Yeah?” Russ glanced over his shoulder, unable to reciprocate because he was elbow-deep in soapy water as he scrubbed a pan.

  “Yes. We should make it again.”

  “Sure. It was pretty easy too. It didn’t take long to pull together.”

  “And we have enough for leftovers tomorrow.” Stephen stuck their forks in the dishwasher. “Which I’m really looking forward to.”

  “I’m glad you liked it so much,” Russ said with a little laugh. “I’ll definitely add it to the menu again.”

  He rinsed the pan, then set it beside the sink.

  “What would you like to do tonight?” Stephen asked.

  “Honestly, a quiet night in sounds great,” Russ replied with a little sigh. “Now that the Webber project is off my plate, I’m looking forward to just having a night to do nothing with you.” It had been a busy couple of weeks at work.

  “Sure.” Stephen closed the dishwasher, then reached for a towel. “I’ve been looking forward to that too. How do you think the project went?”

  “Really well,” Russ said. He pulled the plug and let the water drain from the sink. “It feels like the new person on the team is settling in well and is going to be a real asset. It’s the most seamless project we’ve had so far. Of course, that’s making me paranoid I missed something but …” He shrugged. “You know how it is.”

  “I do.” Stephen bent to slide the pan into the cupboard. “But I also know how thorough you are. Something could fall through the cracks, but I’ve seen the checklists you have for every step of the process. You’re meticulous and that really helps prevent issues like that.”

  “I know.” As team leader and project manager for a small group of people at Vantage Marketing, Russ did have to be on top of every aspect of a project and it didn’t matter that he’d been working there for over four years. At first, he’d gotten paranoid every single time that he would mess up somehow. Stephen had assured him repeatedly that the paranoia that he’d screw up monumentally and make management rethink their decision to give him the position would eventually fade. Russ was glad he’d been right. It had taken a while to shake off the imposter syndrome, but he was mostly there.

  God, how could he possibly be thinking about raising a kid on top of all he and Stephen were dealing with at work? That was insane. What the hell was he even thinking?

  Stephen rested a hand on his arm, stilling him, and Russ glanced up, realizing he’d been mindlessly scrubbing the sink. “You okay?”

  “Yes.” Russ smiled at him and stole a kiss. “Just got lost in my thoughts. You’re right. The project did go well and I’m glad to focus my energy on the next.” While they often had simultaneous projects in various stages of development that they juggled, there was always one that took the bulk of his time and attention.

  “You’re impressing the hell out of management, Russ,” Stephen said. “I hope you know that. I hear it all the time, and they’re not saying it to win any favor with me. They usually clam up about you when they realize I’m around. I just want you to know you’re on track to become a vice president eventually if that’s something you’d like.”

  “Really?” Russ squeezed water out of the sponge, then set it on the tray next to the sink.

  “Really.” Stephen gave him a searching look. “Is that something you want?”

  “Hell yes,” Russ said with a laugh as he dried his hands. “That’s always been part of my long-term goals.”

  “I thought so, but I wanted to be sure. It sounds like you’re on the right track then.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Russ nodded to toward the nearby TV. “Want to watch a movie tonight?”

  “Sure. It’s been a while since we’ve had time.”

  “It has.”

  Ten minutes later, Russ settled on the sofa beside Stephen and handed him the remote. He hadn’t been totally truthful with Stephen earlier. Sure, he’d had lot on his mind with work, but he was equally consumed by thoughts of the kids at the Open Doors center. Particularly Austin.

  He hadn’t called or texted. He hadn’t even been at the drop-in center in the past week. Maria had assured him that he was doing fine, but Russ had wondered if he’d somehow scared Austin away. Had he been too pushy? Had he made Austin feel unwelcome there? The thought made him cringe. He’d been trying to help, but maybe he’d fucked it all up.

  But it was more than just Austin and where he’d been that was consuming his thoughts.

  The thought of wanting to foster a kid loomed over everything else, and he was no closer to coming to a conclusion of how to broach the subject with Stephen.

  “Russ?”

  He glanced over at him. “Hmm?”

  “I asked what movie you wanted to watch.”

  “Oh, um, I don’t care. Any of those we’ve put on our watch list would be fine.”

  “Okay.” Stephen used the remote to navigate to one, then pressed play. He settled an arm around Russ. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yes,” Russ said. “Just keep getting lost in my thoughts. It’s nothing bad, I promise.”

  But Russ found himself struggling to focus on the movie Stephen had picked. His mind wandered and when Stephen asked him a question about it, he jerked in surprise. “Huh?”

  “Russ.” Stephen put the movie on pause. “What is going on? It really seems like you have something on your mind, and I’d like to help. Is this about what I said earlier about work?”

  “About work?” Russ thought about their earlier conversation. “Oh, about me being VP material? No. That’s great to know and I’m thrilled to hear they have me in mind for that, but it hasn’t been on my mind tonight.”

  “What has been? I know a few weeks ago you said you needed some time to think—which I respect—but I’d really like to hear it if you’re ready. That is part of what I’m here for as your husband. To help you work through whatever it is that’s troubling you.”

  Russ smiled at him, grateful for Stephen’s support and gentle approach. “No, I don’t mind talking about it; I just don’t know how to say it.” He licked his lips. “Because I don’t know if this is something you want or not.”

  “Russ,” Stephen said as evenly as he could manage. “I am really going to need you to just spit out whatever it is you’re trying to say. The buildup to this is making me concerned, and I’d rather we just lay all our cards out on the table.”

  “Sorry.” Russ blew out a heavy breath. “Okay. Here it is.”

  Stephen took his own deep breath, mind whirling with the possibilities of what Russ might have to say. Their relationship and sex life were rock solid, so Stephen didn’t think it had anything to do with that. But what it could be eluded him. A cross-country job opportunity, maybe? Sometimes recruiters from other companies put feelers out to both of them to see if they were interested in new positions. But Russ had never indicated he wanted to leave Atlanta.

  “I want us … to—to become foster parents.” The words came out quickly, rushed and hesitant, so unlike Russ’s normal confident speech.

  And then the words registered in Stephen’s brain and he stared at Russ, blinking. Blood rushed in his ears for what felt like an eternity before he shook his head and cleared it. “What?” he finally managed. That was the last thing he’d expected. Every careful plan he’d put in place for the next fifteen years or so before he retired suddenly teetered and threatened to come crashing down. It took his breath away and made his heart gallop in his chest.

  “I want us to become foster parents. The more work we do at the LGBTQ youth center, the more I see the need.”

  “Okay. Well, I see the need for that too, Russ,” Stephen said carefully, still trying to digest his husband’s words when all his brain could manage was a panicked scream. “But we’ve never discussed anything like that before. That’s a huge step
.”

  Russ grimaced. “Oh, God. Maybe I worded that wrong.”

  “Is there a way to word it that doesn’t upend every plan we’ve made for the next decade and a half?” Stephen said as evenly as he could manage.

  Russ winced. “Maybe not. But I didn’t mean to make it sound like it was a done deal in my head. I definitely haven’t decided on anything. And I didn’t mean we should jump in without thoroughly discussing it and seeing if we’re in agreement on the issue. I just wanted to let you know it’s something I’m thinking about. That I want us to talk about and consider. Together.”

  “Okay.” Stephen scratched his head, feeling a little bit of the panic recede. “Okay. I’m certainly willing to discuss it, Russ, but this is pretty out of left field. You’ve always said you never wanted kids.” They’d discussed it very thoroughly after Evan had stayed with them, in fact. And nothing Russ had ever said had led him to believe he’d changed his mind.

  “I know.” Russ sat back. “And maybe I should have worked up to it better. It just kinda hit me recently. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and trying to figure out how to talk to you about it, but I could never come up with the right words. I figured I just needed to rip the bandage off, but I think I just made it worse.”

  Stephen could see the distress written all over Russ’s face, so he reached out and patted his thigh. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. I was the one who forced the issue tonight. Can you tell me what made you change your mind about wanting kids?”

  “Well, I haven’t completely changed my mind. I still don’t want to raise an infant or small child. That hasn’t changed whatsoever. But seeing all these teenagers … I dunno. That feels different. We are so lucky, Stephen.” He gestured around their spacious two-bedroom condo. “We have the space. We have the financial means. I want to do more to give back.”

  “I understand that,” Stephen said slowly. “But we are both under a hell of a lot of pressure at work. This isn’t a great time for either of us to take more on.”

  “I know.” Russ ran a hand through his hair. “I know this is probably insane, but there is a part of me that just can’t stop thinking about it.”

  Stephen nodded slowly. “I’m going to need some time to think about it myself, okay?”

  “Yeah, of course. Would you like me to get you more information about it?”

  “Uh, sure,” Stephen said. “Yes. That would be a good starting point.” His brain was still whirling.

  “You aren’t upset with me, are you?” There was a trace of vulnerability in Russ’s voice and Stephen snapped out of the daze he’d been in. Russ had really put himself out there by bringing this up and he didn’t want him to feel guilty about it. If he’d kept silent, it might have driven a wedge between them and that was the last thing he wanted.

  “No, of course not,” Stephen protested. “I’m surprised, but I’m not upset. I just need a little bit of time to adjust to the idea and consider all of the angles before I say whether or not I think it’s something I could do.”

  “Good.”

  “Come here.” Stephen held out his arms. Russ settled on the sectional next to him and Stephen pulled him close, shifting their bodies so they lay reclined, face to face. He made his voice soft and soothing. “I will never be upset at you for telling me what you want.”

  “I probably could have eased into it a little bit more though.” Russ made a face.

  Stephen chuckled. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “This isn’t a decision to be made lightly, Russ.”

  “I know that. I really do. I think I just got several leaps ahead of myself. Wouldn’t be the first time, right?” Russ’s grin was half-hearted, and Stephen thought back to Russ’s surprise proposal.

  “It wouldn’t,” Stephen agreed. “You were a few leaps ahead of me when it came to marriage, but we figured it out, didn’t we?”

  “We did.” Russ settled a hand on Stephen’s chest and the warmth and weight helped settle the strange jittery feeling that had been coursing through him since Russ’s surprising declaration.

  Stephen thought about their gorgeous wedding on Hilton Head, almost two and a half years ago. It had been a great couple of years. They’d moved to this new condo—a bigger space in the same building that they’d renovated to perfectly meet their needs—they’d continued to have career success, and they’d been volunteering at Open Doors. It had all been very good. Stephen had felt more content and fulfilled than he’d ever been before. All of the pieces had settled into place for just the kind of life he’d always been looking for. But maybe it wasn’t enough for Russ.

  “Do you feel like something’s missing from our lives?” Stephen asked. “Is that why you want to become foster parents?”

  An expression of surprise flickered across Russ’s face. “Wait, you think I feel like something’s missing from our relationship?”

  Stephen held up his hand. “Whoa. No. I didn’t say that. I said from our lives. There is a difference, and please don’t put words in my mouth.”

  “Sorry.” Russ sighed. “No, I don’t think anything’s missing from our lives. I’m happy. Very happy. I just feel like we could do more.”

  “Okay.”

  “You remember when Evan was staying here with us? Well, our old place downstairs, but you know what I mean.”

  Stephen nodded.

  “Helping him get on his feet again after he got fired for being gay and his parents kicked him out of the house felt really good to both of us.”

  “It did.”

  “So I was thinking about that and I kept hearing Dan talking about how badly LGBTQ foster homes are needed, and I started thinking, well, we’ve already done something sort of along those lines.”

  “There’s a world of difference between allowing a twenty-one-year-old friend to sleep on an air mattress in our living room for six weeks and fostering a teenage kid who likely has had an extremely rough life,” Stephen gently reminded him.

  “I know that,” Russ said. “I’m not minimizing the amount of work it might be. I just think we’re in a unique place to help a gay kid out. You’ve heard Dan talk about how tough it is to find foster placement for the kids at the center.”

  Stephen sighed. Dan had talked about that numerous times. Teenagers were difficult enough to place and gay teenagers even more so. Many had been abused in their lives, which made behavioral issues a factor too. Which meant the need was greater but so was the challenge. “I have.”

  “I’m just asking if you’re willing to look into it. Like when you brought up the idea of buying this condo. You told me I didn’t have to agree to sign on the dotted line immediately. Just be open to the idea and get some more information about it. I’m asking you to do the same.”

  “Okay,” Stephen said. “I can definitely agree to that. Let’s start by talking to Dan.”

  But a little trickle of concern worked its way through his brain. If he said no, would Russ resent him for it? Would it drive a wedge between them?

  Going forward with this would change their lives forever. But choosing not to might as well.

  FIVE

  “Hey guys.” Dan gestured toward the chairs across from his desk. When they were all seated, he narrowed his eyes at them. “What is it I can do for you? Marsha didn’t indicate what the meeting was about. I hope you aren’t thinking about leaving because you’ve been an enormous help around here and we’d hate to lose you.”

  “No, we’re not leaving,” Russ reassured him. “That’s never crossed our minds.”

  “Good.” Dan shot them a relieved look, his posture softening. “So tell me why you are here.”

  “We’d actually like to do more. We’d like to get some information about becoming foster parents.”

  “Wow, what prompted this?” Dan asked. He leaned back in his office chair. “I had no idea you were considering something like this.”

  “I didn’t either,” Stephen said dryly.

&
nbsp; Dan glanced between them, a concerned expression on his face. “If you aren’t sure, this may not be the right decision for you.”

  “We’re not sure,” Russ said. “It’s something I’ve been interested in lately. I brought it up to Stephen recently and he thought we should get some more information before we made a decision.”

  Dan’s expression cleared. “Ahh, well, that sounds like a wise approach to me. Sure, I’d be happy to walk you through it. Although you may also want to speak to DCFS as well. I could put you in contact with Marcus, the social worker who oversees that side of things at Open Doors. He knows the ins and outs of the system.”

  “That would be great,” Stephen said. “I just thought this might be a good starting point. Between your work here and your own experience as a foster parent, I thought it might be a good way to start out. I really have no idea what it would entail, so I wanted to get a broad idea before we decide if we’ll move forward with it or not.”

  “Sure.” Dan settled back in his chair. “Well, the Division of Family and Children Services is responsible for overseeing foster care in Georgia. Kids are placed in foster care when DFCS decides they are no longer safe with their caregivers. It’s intended to be a temporary home while the safety issues are worked through. That’s the best-case scenario though and—let’s be honest—we all know that’s not always the way it goes.”

  Stephen nodded.

  Dan continued. “The goal of foster care is always to reunite children with their biological families, but especially with LGBTQ kids, that’s not always feasible. Sometimes their families have already kicked them out or been abusive toward them. In theory, we’d like to work with the parents to provide some family therapy, but …” He shrugged. “Well, let’s just say that’s rarely successful and there are unfortunately a lot of other factors that don’t get addressed like economic instability.”

  “Right, I understand all that,” Stephen said. “There are a lot of runaway kids too, right?”